Think You Know What Your Beer Says About You? Think Again.

You pour a drink. The drink pours you out.

Okay, that’s dramatic. But still, there’s a reason someone sipping a stout at noon looks different than the guy pounding lagers with a Bluetooth earpiece still in. Your drink sends signals — across the bar, into your group chat, and sometimes to the algorithm.

Beer isn’t just about hops and head retention. It’s cultural. It’s personal. It’s expressive. And yeah — it says more about you than you think.

Let’s talk about what your beer says about you... and maybe why your next move should be adding it to your wardrobe too.

Lager Drinkers: Comfort Creatures With a Loyalty Complex

You like your beer like you like your favorite hoodie: classic, unfussy, and always there when you need it.

Lager drinkers tend to be creatures of comfort. You probably roll your eyes at seasonal menus, don’t care about microfoam, and wouldn’t be caught dead scanning a QR code to “learn more about your pint.” You’re the reliable one in your group. You’ve driven more than your share of post-pub drop-offs. You know the score.

This doesn’t mean you’re boring — it means you’ve filtered out the noise. You appreciate things that work, which explains the aging-but-perfect George Foreman on your back patio and your deep belief that “cargo shorts are fine.”

Where real life kicks in:

Lager drinkers are practical. You’re the type dealing with “man gift” problems every Father’s Day. You’ve typed funny shirts for dad into Google so many times your ads now exclusively feature grilling aprons and socks with sandals.

Fix that now: check the On Tap collection — designed for the guy who knows what he likes and isn’t ashamed of it.

IPA People: The Flavor Maximalists

You walk into a brewery and immediately start scanning the tap list like it's a wine menu in Napa. If it says “citra,” “resinous,” or “barrel-aged,” you’re all in. Bonus if it comes in a tulip glass and requires a short explanation.

IPA folks are flavor-chasers. You like boldness, complexity, and saying “no offense” before saying something deeply judgmental about a pilsner. You probably brewed your own beer once. It was a mess. You still talk about it.

There’s nothing wrong with being opinionated — unless it’s about someone's Spotify Wrapped. Then… maybe chill.

Real-world problem:

You're shopping for merch, but everything looks like it was designed by a guy who thinks Comic Sans is edgy. You want clever. You want style. And you want it to quietly say, I know more about hops than your uncle Brad.

Check out the Full Tap Menu. You’ll find tees and gear that match your vibe — without the cringe.

Wheat Beer Lovers: Social Feed Energy

Let’s be honest: wheat beer drinkers are here for the good time and the cute branding. You like things light, slightly sweet, and full of potential Instagram captions. You're the first one to suggest a "Brew & Brunch" event and probably know your city’s mimosa policies.

Wheat beer fans have a radar for fun. You’re expressive, warm, and somewhere between extrovert and vibes-based extrovert. You bring drinks and drama to the group chat — the good kind.

Why it matters:

You’re the person helping everyone find the outfit for patio season. But when it comes to your own look? You're done settling for basic merch. You want something cheeky, polished, and slightly flirty (without screaming “beer slut” in block letters).

Go here: Special Taproom Drafts (STDs). Designs that match your energy — bright, witty, and just weird enough to be interesting.

Stout Fans: The Midnight Talkers

If you’re sipping a stout, chances are you're comfortable sitting in the heavier side of life. Not emotionally — although maybe that too. You like depth. Richness. You probably eat dark chocolate on purpose and listen to records because “the sound is warmer.”

Stout lovers are thoughtful, loyal, and often underappreciated in group text dynamics. You show up. You remember birthdays. You know how to make the perfect grilled cheese. And you do it without fanfare.

Internet drama you’ve seen:

You’ve seen enough “male gift idea” lists that are either $7 novelty socks or $500 knives. You want something that feels thoughtful, without being a throwaway gag gift. You’re over it.

You’re welcome: Browse the Full Tap Menu — especially anything referencing head, body, or finish (because we know that’s your kind of humor).

Cider Crew: Outsiders With Taste

You drink cider like you mean it — and because you’ve had one too many “but that’s not beer” comments. You're not here to explain your choice. You're here because it tastes good. Period.

Cider drinkers are often the real MVPs of the group. You’re adaptable. You bring snacks to the party. You keep emergency napkins in your car. You're probably the only person who remembered bug spray.

Reality check:

You’ve been overlooked in beer merch spaces. Everything’s geared toward hop-heads or lager loyalists. Cider drinkers want in — but not if it means settling for Live Laugh Lager on a tea-stained hoodie.

Start at our Cider collection. Clean, funny designs that work for anyone who values taste over tradition.

Sour Fans: Flavor Scientists With Chaos Energy

Ordering a sour isn’t just a choice — it’s a personality. You’re drawn to flavor combos that scare your parents. You bring weird dips to potlucks. You love drama but only when it’s fun.

Sour drinkers tend to be curious, opinionated, and perfectly okay being the wildcard in a lineup. You’re the one who convinced everyone to try goat yoga that one time. (It worked. Mostly.)

What happens IRL:

You're constantly explaining your drink choice. You're the “actually, it’s fermented with lactobacillus” person. But when it comes to merch? You want something equally strange and strong.

Start weird, stay weird — Special Taproom Drafts (STDs) were basically made for you.

When Beer Culture Meets Gift Culture

There’s a weird black hole on the internet when it comes to buying decent, funny gifts for men — especially if you want something that’s actually wearable. You've seen the articles: “What to buy your dad/husband/brother who has everything.” And it’s always whiskey rocks or beard oil.

The beer shirt is the new sock drawer upgrade.

Cochrane Balzac Brewing shirts aren’t just jokes — they’re built on style, comfort, and the kind of innuendo that works at a BBQ and brunch with the in-laws.

Gift givers — especially women — are tired of generic choices. This is the antidote. We’re designing things people want to wear, not just open.

Why It’s Not Just Beer Anymore (And Never Was)

Beer isn’t just hops and malt — it’s cultural shorthand. According to the Brewers Association, craft beer consumption has increased among women and nonbinary folks significantly over the last decade. That means beer culture isn’t just for dudes with beards anymore — it’s for anyone who wants their drink (and shirt) to say something.

Cochrane Balzac Brewing is here to make sure it says it loud — and with a wink.

Want Your Beer to Speak Louder Than Words?

Then wear it. Gift it. Drink it. Share it.

Our collections aren’t just about being funny — they’re about calling out the unspoken language of beer culture, and translating it into something bold enough to wear.

• On Tap: Classic, clean, witty.

• Full Tap Menu: Deep cuts and layered puns.

• Special Taproom Drafts (STDs): The wild side. Proceed with caution (and laughter).

Browse the full site: cochranebalzacbrewing.com

Your shirt says a lot. Make sure it's saying the right thing.